Portraits

About a month ago I had a friend take some pictures of Sally and Austin. Since she put the highlights on her blog, I'll just send you there rather than do the work of posting the pictures myself.

I think she did a great job, and I got just what I wanted (except a shot of the two of them smiling at the camera, but that was probably asking too much).

On a side note, I'm thinking of giving up blogging, but I'm torn. Any thoughts?

What I Do

I think it's time to dust off my blog. Here's a little something I wrote late at night several weeks ago.

When I was a student:
I went to class every day. I studied hard. I wrote papers. I took tests. I turned in my homework on time. I got A’s. I got to know my professors. I sat on the front row. I made friends with my classmates. I learned. I stayed in the library until it closed. I knew what was expected of me, I did it, I saw the results I wanted, and I felt good about what I had done.

What I was a full-time employee:
I went to work every day. I worked hard. I wrote programs. I learned. I got bonuses. I got raises. I sat in my cube all day. I went to meetings and helped make decisions about my projects. I met my deadlines. I followed the rules. I made friends with my coworkers. I stayed at work long after the janitors went home. I took my computer home with me and worked more. I knew what was expected of me, I did it, I was respected for it, and I felt good about what I was able to do.

Now that I’m a mother:
I take care of two children every day. I work hard. I make meals. I wipe bottoms. I play with toys. I sit on the floor. I wear out my jeans. I am tested. I make rules, which are sometimes broken. I stay up long after they have gone to bed. I teach, but mostly I learn. I get to know other moms. I make friends with baby dolls and teddy bears. I know what is expected of me (kind of), I try to do it (but sometimes fail), and I feel good about what I am doing. And I wouldn't trade my time with these little ones for the world.

Today

Today is full of blessings.

I woke up this morning with my husband, a definite change from the usual routine, especially since he is on call today. A work-related symposium made his sleeping-in possible, and we both enjoyed resting together. It was warm rather than cold in the house when we got up.

I spent the morning reading to and playing with my children. They were happy and affectionate.

I baked a cake with my daughter. She was enthusiastic and helpful. She tried so hard to do things exactly how I asked her to. She was so excited when I let her lick some batter.

I watched General Conference and was thrilled that my husband came home during the brief time between the end of the symposium and the time he had to report for duty at the hospital. We watched and learned together, then ate lunch as a family.

My son looked cuter than ever in his “big boy” clothes today. He wore flip flops for the first time and reminded me of his daddy. My daughter’s hair was especially full and curly today, and she pranced around so happily in her spring dress I couldn’t help but feel happy every time I looked at her.

I made the hour drive to my sister-in-law’s house with my children this afternoon. Both children were calm and content. The hour felt like 20 minutes.

It was so warm and pleasant sitting on the deck visiting with my in-laws. Even though my husband was working and not with us, I was loved and welcomed like a true blooded member of the family. I always am. My children had great fun playing with their cousins. My three-year-old niece wanted to help me carry things from my car. My five-year-old niece went out of her way to find toys that my son would like to play with.

My sister-in-law gave me some dresses for my daughter which her daughter has outgrown. She also let me borrow her brand new DVD of “Tangled” just because she likes to do nice things that make people happy.

I drove home with my children and sang Primary songs to them for most of the way home. I’m not sure what they felt as I sang to them, but I felt love and joy and peace. The weather was turning nasty as we made our way home, but I felt safe and calm.

I put my kids to bed and then watched the parts of General Conference that I had missed. I felt such a great love and admiration for the leaders of the Church. I felt a desire to do better, but more importantly, to be better. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ’s true church. I want to help other people find the joy that I have.

I read some updates on a website for my uncle Dan who is battling cancer. I felt close to my family as I read their messages to my uncle and added my own. I sorrowed for my uncle, but felt peace as I recalled the healing power of Jesus Christ. I love my family and feel great joy in knowing that families are eternal.

Was today perfect? No. Did I do or say anything I shouldn’t have? Of course, I always do. But today is a good day, and full of blessings. Every day is full of blessings. Do I always see them? No. I wrote this to remind myself to look for them.

Best and Worst

Every night for the past year or so Neal and I have been asking Sally two questions: "What was the best part of your day?", and "What was the worst part of your day?" Her answers are often predictable, many times sweet, and occasionally give us great insight into the workings of her little mind. I'll have to record some of her responses.

But for now, since Neal is on call, I'll make a quick post out of sharing the best and worst parts of my day:

Worst: shortly after breakfast, Sally and Austin were nicely playing by the back door when Sally exclaimed: "Yuck! Mommy, come see what Austin did!" I rushed over to discover that the contents of Austin's diaper (which I had very recently changed) were dribbling down his leg and onto the floor. He was quickly whisked away into the bathtub, and the floor was scrubbed. No fun for anyone involved (except for, perhaps, Sally, who liked drama), but really not that bad. I'll take that over vomit any day!

Best: I'm not sure I can choose--it's been a good day! Since I have to, though, I'll say that it was dinner with a new friend in my ward and her little girl who's a few months younger than Austin. I often invite someone over for dinner when Neal is away, and it is always fun. I think everyone had a good time tonight. Austin and Sally loved playing with their new friend, I enjoyed talking with my new friend, everyone enjoyed their meal, and no one cried, fought over toys, threw food on the floor, or acted unpleasantly in any way. I'm so thankful to have good kids and good friends to share warm springtime evenings with.

Two more thoughts for the evening:

I don't always or only post when Neal is on call. It is just the easiest time for me to post, and therefore the most common time for me to do so.

Totally unrelated to anything in this post: Sally has a pink teddy bear that she pretends is her husband Neal. The other day with said bear in hand she said: "Mommy, my husband's grandma is my mother." While I do read with Sally quite a bit, I've yet to read Oedipus to her, nor do I intend to. She came up with that one on her own!

Top 10 of 2010

I started this post, oh, 6 weeks ago? Maybe longer, I'm not sure. Time to get it out there and move on with my life!

Neal is on call (hard to believe?) and I've already stayed up much later than I wanted to working, so what is a few more minutes? Every time Neal is on call I intend to blog, end up catching up on reading blogs instead, and then go to bed feeling grumpy with myself. Enough of that. Not tonight.

There should be pictures to accompany each section, but I don't want to stay up quite that late! I suppose that will have to wait for another post. It won't be long before Neal is on call again!

So, without further adieu, the Peterson top 10 of 2010:

Austin joining the family:

We are so blessed to have Austin in our family. He is so happy, smiley, easy-going, and energetic. I love his laugh, the ways he makes us laugh, his big happy grin, his curiosity, his big blue eyes, and his very kiss-able cheeks (I probably over-do the kisses, but I can hardly help myself). He is growing up so fast and getting so independent and capable. A little of what he is like these days:

He is fast becoming a walker. He can walk across a room if he feels like it, but is mostly content with walking 4-5 steps and then crawling to his destination. He’s been taking steps since he was a little more than 10 months.

He loves to climb up onto things and is quite good at it. He has lately learned how to safely climb down, as well, which is a big relief.

He likes to give kisses and hugs. He will give kisses on command most of the time.

He still has only two teeth, but knows well how to use them.

He likes to hide under blankets, be chased around the recliner, and share his binky and food. He thinks it is hilarious to shove his binky into Neal’s mouth.

He is very vocal and is becoming more so almost every day. I can tell that he really wants to communicate.

He loves to put lids on things. He can amuse himself for quite some time by simply putting a lid on a container, taking it off, and repeating over and over again.

*Changes since I wrote this--he's been a full-fledged walker for quite some time, and he has 2 more teeth. Also, the day after my post about Austin's illness, he bounced back. It only took a few days for him to be back to his old self. He must have really missed food while he was sick, because he's been eating double ever since!

A visit from my parents and sisters in the spring:

I had a wonderful time with my family when they came out for Austin’s blessing. It was a rare treat to have nearly my whole immediate family together (Spencer was sorely missed) without me having to make the trek out to Utah.

A Neal and Emily getaway:

In November Neal got to go to an anesthesia conference for work and decided the he wanted me to go along for the ride. He made arrangements with his sister Cookie to watch our children, bought me a plane ticket, and promised me a good time. I was excited but reluctant to go, especially when the week before the conference Austin got sick and wanted me to hold him almost every waking hour. Thanks to Austin recovering and Neal’s faith in everything working out, I decided to go.

I went and didn’t regret it. The conference was in Phoenix at a mountain resort with lots of pools and hiking opportunities. We had fun swimming, hiking, relaxing, and visiting our friends Travis and Cami Austin. We also visited the Mesa temple, went to a dinner and rodeo event (hosted by the conference), ate at a fun Greek restaurant, went to an art fair, and experienced a delightful treat knows as a “Bahama-rama-mamma” (a cross between a snow cone and an ice cream cone).
Neal was right that everything would work out fine. Austin and Sally both did very well while we were away, and we pickup up right where we left off when we got back.

Neal starting his anesthesia training:

In July Neal completed his intern year in internal medicine and entered the world of anesthesia. Quality of life instantly improved. I love that he is off on the weekends (unless he is on call, which unfortunately has happened quite a bit lately), doesn’t have to do discharge summaries every evening, gets home early on pre-call days, and likes his job…all of which leads to my next item:

More dates and family activities:

Neal and I have gotten out together on our own a lot more this year than we have since Sally was born. I think it is due to a combination of us being more comfortable with getting babysitters and Neal having more time. We have also been asked a few times by some friends to swap babysitting with them, and that has helped, as well. A few of my favorite dates: Beauty and the Beast at the Starlight Theater (even though it was the hottest night of the year, we had a great time and a memorable snow cone), dinner and shopping at the Country Club Plaza (thank you anesthesia department for your generous Christmas gift), hiking at the Overland Park Arboretum, and basketball, skee-ball, and air hockey at Power Play.

We have also been able to get out more as a family. I suppose in addition to Neal having more time, this is due to Sally being able to do more, and my purchase of a Happenings book to give us some good ideas and a little push to get out and try new things. We’ve enjoyed eating out here and there, but mostly we just enjoy taking walks, visiting parks, shopping, and doing errands together.

New friends:

Neal and I have made several new friends this year through both church and work. I won’t mention any names—hopefully you know who you are! We’ve had a lot of fun playing games, celebrating holidays, and just getting together to let our kids play together. While we will have to say good-bye to some of these friends in the near future, I’m sure (or at least I hope) that we’ll stay in touch for years to come. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends (both old and new) that share my values and care about me and my family.

House projects completed:

In January we got new carpet in our house, and I absolutely love it. Not only does it look 10 times better than our old carpet, it is softer, thicker, and more durable. This year we also got a new fence (a while picket one made from scratch by Neal), a new cabinet in our laundry room (stained and installed by Neal, of course), and new leather furniture (it was intended to go in the family room, but since it won’t fit through the door, it is in the living room).

Christmas at home:

For the first time in our marriage, Neal and I stayed home on Christmas morning. It was a lot of fun and may become a new tradition. We did things on our own schedule (rather, Sally’s schedule—she slept in late), didn’t have to haul gifts around, and just enjoyed being together. It was so much fun for Neal and me to set things up the night before, to see the excitement on Sally’s face when she came into the living room, and to see Austin enjoying the excitement in the comfort of his own home where he is at his best.

Street improvements:

Since we bought our house in 2006, the city of Overland Park had been promising improvements to our street, including sidewalks, storm drainage pipes (as opposed to the ditch), new streetlights, and new pavement. Well, in 2010 it finally happened. It was at times painfully annoying (at times workers worked round the clock with loud machinery, and more than once I was denied access to my house in the summer with sleeping kids and icecream in the car). But all that is behind us. The work is done, and the result was worth it. Kind of silly that this made the top 10 list, but I LOVE our sidewalk, and the absence of the ditch has made mowing so much nicer for Neal. I’m a huge fan of anything that will make it easier for us to sell our house later, and I think this will help a lot.

A beautiful friendship:

Sally and I have always had a good relationship, but in 2010 she matured and grew in so many ways that have made our relationship even better. Sally is such a sweetie, and I have so much fun with her. She is a great companion: helpful, talkative, thoughtful, polite, fun, and obedient (most of the time--she is 3, afterall). She often amazes me with how much she understands, how much she remembers, and how much she notices. Sally and I have a lot in common, which sometimes results in us butting heads, but also makes for a great friendship.

I Want my Baby Back!

I’ve found that I have a knack for cursing myself. When Sally was small (older than one, but not yet two), I made an observation that I had never been up all night with a crying child. A few days later, it happened. When Sally was barely two, I was talking to a friend about how lucky I was that Sally had never thrown up (spit up not included). A few days later, she threw up 3 times on the airplane and in the airport on the way to Utah. Recently a friend of mine was stuck inside for about a week with sick children. I though to myself how lucky I was that such a thing had never happened to me. I should have just not thought about it at all.

Last Sunday Austin wasn’t himself at church. Instead of squirming and trying to run away and play in the curtains in Sunday School, he was content to sit on my lap. For Austin, that is just weird. The story was the same in RS, except that by the end of the meeting, he was moaning and feeling kind of hot. I wasn’t too worried, just thought he was coming down with a cold or starting to get some new teeth. The next afternoon when I took him into the doctor for his 12 month well-baby appointment the doctor said that it looked like he had an ear infection, and prescribed him amoxicillin. After he got his three standard shots, we were on our way. I thought that the problem was solved, but it was all downhill from there.

When Neal went in to check on the kids before going to bed on Monday night, he discovered that Austin was drowning in a pool of his own vomit. He was sleeping soundly, but drowning in vomit nonetheless. Thus began 5 days (and counting?) of endless vomiting and diarrhea for the poor child. On Tuesday he had quite a high fever (perhaps due to the shots) and wanted nothing but to be held by mommy. I called my doctor because I thought he might be reacting poorly to the amoxicillin, but was told to keep giving it to him, despite the fact that he threw it up every time he was given a dose. On Wednesday the fever was gone, but he otherwise showed no improvement. Early Thursday morning, Sally threw up, and then the bug hit me on Thursday afternoon just as we were about to leave to see the doctor. Other than being told that there is a bug going around and to continue pushing fluids, the visit to the doctor was less than helpful, which I suspected would be the case.

While Sally seems to have made a full recovery (as early as Friday morning), Austin is still not keeping much of anything down. While I think that he does have some kind of bug, I also firmly believe that the amoxicillin has something to do with his vomiting. Even though there is a shot that can be given in place of the amoxicillin, for some reason that I can’t understand, I’ve been encouraged not to go that route.

I just want my baby back! He hasn’t walked in days, he barely talks, he isn’t very interested in toys, and he feels so limp and weak in my arms. I know that this will pass, but this has certainly been a hard week with lots of worry.

The washing machine has been doing overtime. Between Sally and Austin throwing up, I’ve washed: pillows, sheets, mattress pads, coats, cars seat covers, countless pajamas and onesies, socks, pants, towels, and shoes.

While it has been a hard week, there are some bright spots that I should not overlook.

*I have gotten to hold and snuggle Austin more that I have since he was a tiny baby. I have really enjoyed rocking him and just being close to him.
*Austin’s regular night sleep routine of 8 to 8 has been unaltered. No one around here can complain about a lack of sleep (except for Neal, but it is his own fault. That man doesn’t know how to go to bed). Austin has also been napping longer during the day than usual.
*While it appears to me that Austin is throwing everything up, apparently has he kept in enough fluids not to be classified as a dehydrated baby (according to the nurse practitioner), which keeps him out of the hospital, which I was afraid would be his fate. My sweet baby niece is in the hospital right now, and I feel so blessed that Austin isn’t in her position. We are praying for you, Abby, Scott, and baby Alice!
*Sally has been incredibly sweet and helpful. She is always very helpful, but she has been especially so this week.
*I’ve had more one-on-one time with Sally to read and do “art projects” (a.k.a. I catch up on making and writing thank you cards, and she stamps and glues) while Austin has slept.

I am hearted that Austin perked up somewhat today and kept a little bit of food down (I’m keeping my fingers crossed, it was just a few hours ago that I gave it to him). I’m confident that Austin will make a full recovery soon, and I’ll just keep telling myself that “this, too, shall pass!”

Time to get over it!

One of the curses of being a perfectionist that is far from perfect is having a hard time getting over things that went wrong, whether they matter much or not. Here's hoping that by blogging about my silly mistakes I can stop beating myself up about them.

I don't think I have ever done this before, and I certainly hope I don't do it again. I played the piano in RS today (not uncommon), and for three verses in a row, I played the same two measures incorrecly, all the time knowing that I was playing them incorrectly. It was one of those weird occurrences where I picked a song that I thought was fairly well-known (hymn 148), but when I started playing almost no one sang. It felt weird. And then I started playing wrong things and felt weird and embarrassed. And then I was in a rut and played the same part wrong over again. And then I thought about it all day. And now I'm over it.

Christmas Eve was delightful (more on that later) until I realized that the cheesecake I had made for all of my guests was weird. The texture was not what it should have been because the last block of cream cheese I added simply wouldn't incorporate. It just kind of cumbled into little specks of cream cheese. It had been out on the counter softening for just as long as the rest of the cream cheese had, but it wasn't as new as the others (I guess it was starting to dry out, but I don't think it was terribly old). I've never had such a thing happen in all of my years of baking cheesecakes. I don't think it was any big deal to anyone else, but, silly me, I had a hard time getting over it. But I'm over it now, because my husband still loves me, my friends still seem to like me, the last time I checked I was still capable of making edible food, and I now know never to use cream cheese that may be somewhat old when making a cheesecake.

So, perhaps I'm silly, but I think I'll sleep well tonight!